This dress was meant to end up on your floor
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
