god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Someone shattered a urinal.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
