I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i now understand why vodka
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
