we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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