sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
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I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
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you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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