It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize