Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
