Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
zippers are such a cool invention
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
