I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
this is an emotional support booty call
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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