what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Actions speak louder than pants.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
