I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
