our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
