Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
