Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
