Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
