u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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