Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
