Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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