he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
