i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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