god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
They have beer where we have blood.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
