; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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