i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
