i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So here I am, sexting at work.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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