Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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