you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
