this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
