She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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