he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
