The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
