mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
