I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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