how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
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jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that