By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!