Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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