for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
