You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
