I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
