i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
