The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
