her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
