I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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