It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
