now i know why i became what i already was.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
