I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he fucked my hip out of place.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
