Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
