Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
