I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
