Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
