theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
