Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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