this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
