How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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