But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
