just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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