i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
