My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
