apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
