dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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