i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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