Plan B is the new Plan A
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
