sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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