Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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