Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
