He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
