just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
