I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
