The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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