ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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