Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this just has baby written all over it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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