NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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