peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
