I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
