Everything about him screamed your future.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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